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Oi, new kids
And so you think you're able
To survive this mess by being
A prince or a princess, you will soon see
There's no escaping tragedy
And even if you put in heaps of effort
You're just wasting energy
'Cause your life as you know it is ancient history

I have suffered in this jail
I've been trapped inside this cage for ages
This living hell
But if I try I can remember
Back before my life had ended
Before my happy days were over
Before I first heard the pealing of the bell

Like you, I was curious
So innocent, I asked a thousand questions
But unless you want to suffer
Listen up and I will teach you
A thing or two

You listen here, my dear
You'll be punished so severely if you step out of line
And if you cry it will be double, you should stay out of trouble
And remember to be extremely careful

Why?

(Why?) Why? Did you hear what we said?
Just you wait for phys-ed!

What's phys-ed?

Physical education
The Trunchbull speciality

Who are you?

We're prefects
We're here to take you to class

So, we're going to start learning?

Oh, you'll start learning, all right

Great, I already know the alphabet

You don't know the alphabet until you've learned the alphabet

And so you think you're able
To survive this mess by being a prince or a princess
You will soon see
There's no escaping tragedy
And even if you put in heaps of effort
You're just wasting energy
'Cause your life as you know it is ancient history

I have suffered in this jail
I've been trapped inside this cage for ages
This living hell
But if I try I can't remember
Back before my life had ended
Before my happy days were over
Before I first heard the pealing of the bell

Like you, I was curious
So innocent, I asked a thousand questions
But unless you want to suffer
Listen up and I will teach you
A thing or two

You listen here, my dear
You'll be punished so severely if you step out of line
And if you cry it will be double, you should stay out of trouble
And remember to be extremely careful

Why?

(Why?) Why? Didn't you hear what we said?

I have become aware that some of you are not yet in class
Correct this
You have five seconds to comply

A-B-C-D-E-F-G (five)
H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P
Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X (four, three)
Y, Y, Y, Y, Y, Y, Y?

Lavender, Matilda, inside quick!

(One) just you wait for phys-ed!

WRITERS

Timothy David Minchin

PUBLISHERS

Lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.

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